You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Randomize
