I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
