i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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