Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
