you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
