So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
