my being single is dangerous.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
