Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
