Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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