you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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