I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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