I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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