Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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