...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize