I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Randomize
