I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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