And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize