Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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