does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
