My room smells like vodka and shame
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
