The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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