Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
