I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize