I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
