I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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