Farmville is her only friend.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
