I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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