Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
