We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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