it was like eating out sand paper
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize