just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
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And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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