Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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