get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
