My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize