if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
