the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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