I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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