Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
