well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
