Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
What a dumb baby whore.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
