i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
