At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
