sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Randomize
