Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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