still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
