She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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