He just called me juicy booty via text message.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
