you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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