Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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