I'm so fucking centered right now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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