Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
