Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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