somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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