It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
