I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
