he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You pole danced in your parka.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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