So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
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