They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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