All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
