What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
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She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
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He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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