I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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