Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
