I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
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I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
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Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize