I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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