I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
