What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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