Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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